Okay, so the title is a little misleading to fact that there is no way to get "over" something. Unless you are long jumping in Rio during the 2016 Olympics, I'd suggest you start finding ways to go "through" your breakup rather than "over" it. The reason I say this is because the purpose of life is to make mistakes, learn, then make improvements in our lives. We should always try to see the bigger picture and ask ourselves questions to revise our negative and positive patterns.
What did I learn?
What were the mistakes I made?
What were the mistakes the other person made?
What could I did better in my next relationship?
What worked here?
What didn't work here?
The reason I say this is because, for the last two months I have been going through a breakup and trying to gradually get through it. Though I really don't know the most important answer I think most people know— why the relationship ended, I still understand life must go on. So I chose, instead of getting over it, I should try to get through it. I learned so much about myself during the relationship, and never knew I could be that kind, giving, and loving to someone before. However, it opened my eyes to my weaknesses as well. So I had to reevaluate myself, my values, and what I want and need out of my next relationship. These are four steps I am currently abiding by to get me through. Hopefully, you find them helpful as well.
Step 1: Understand there were needs that were unmet. I think a lot of time, we try to ignore our needs in order to make the other person feel happy. Even though it seems honorable, there are so many other ways we can compromise on such things. First, never ignore your needs. Needs are necessities and non-negotiable. If the person, or you, are the type of person that needs space, allow the partner to know this about you. Honesty is the best policy. Who knows, maybe they needed space, too. Spend as much time alone as possible to get into the scheme of things. I, personally, love for my partner to miss me. So, I purposely force myself to not be readly available to them all the time. In the first couple of months this is difficult because you want to get to know the person because you are infatuated by them. However, after this phase is over, it is okay to resume to your separate lives and meet up in between. Don't smother the person and do not allow them to smother you. Say something before it gets to be a problem. As far a getting over a breakup, you have to understand someone was either silent about their needs, or was simply not getting them. This is the underlining issue in most breakups.
Step 2: Do not try to move on. Do not be a bed filler. After spending part of your life with one person, you need some time to rest. Some people's motto's are "the best way to get over one person is to get under another." I do not believe this is true. I know because I've been there. You end up hurting the new person because since you constantly think about that person and they're fresh on your mind, you will probably find everything wrong with the new person because you are subconsciously comparing. This leads to hurt feelings, bad karma, and just another blocked number in your phone. Do not do it. Instead, try to be with yourself. Take up a new hobby, get a second job, start hanging out with old friends. Have you ever noticed after breaking up you start having so much free time. Well, it's obviously because the free time you did have was being spent with your partner. So now that the partner is gone, you must find exciting tasks to do within that time. Exercise is a great one. Don't sabotage your image by using your free time eating junk food, sulking in misery. Pounds love misery more than company does. So go... be active!
Step 3: Stay positive. Do not start bad mouthing the ex. Unless they were cheating, abusing you (verbally or physically), or any other horrible act, they did nothing wrong. It's okay to breakup with someone. Life goes on and every person is not meant for long term. You must remain positive, count the advantages, and go forward believing that everything will workout for the best. And that last part is very important. The "Best" is not always what you envision. The best, sometimes is unforeseeable. So you do not always have the power to write your "Best". It's coming, don't worry.
Step 4: So, this last one is my problem. Do not contact the person until you're able to talk to them and not rehash old events. You should be able to master the poker face and not go spilling how much you miss and love them at the drop of the dime. You should be able to be normal, like a FRIEND or ACQUAINTANCE. If you're unable to do that, do not see them, especially if the feelings are not mutual. Allow the breakuper come to you, but as the breakupee, you're not allowed.
Finally, sometimes breakups do not last. Sometimes couples breakup, only to realize that they cannot live without the person. But other times, people breakup because they do not belong together. It's important we do not try to make either one of these realities true on our own. Do not be manipulative, needy, or depressed beyond measure. You are able to be happy with or without the person and the reason I know this is because the ex saw this in you, which is the reason they were with you. Don't beat yourself up, instead build yourself up; so that the next relationship is even better.
If you were able to get through a breakup, please comment below and let us know! Thank You :)
